How Hallmark Movies Reveal What Women Really Long For
(And how it stealthily dismantles feminist ideology)
Last winter I had to admit to a friend, “I’ve never actually watched a Hallmark Christmas movie.” As someone who has been known to resist doing something just because it trends, I had intentionally dodged this widespread tradition, but for some reason—last Christmas I was ready to give it a try. I went over to my friend’s place, we gathered snacks and sat surrounded by cozy blankets and throw pillows, and we laughed together as a awkwardly-predictable and squeaky-clean love story unfolded before our eyes. Of course, we didn’t really mind. It’s why we chose Hallmark in the first place.
Turns out that millions of women, just like us, are turning to the Hallmark channel for exactly the same reasons. Hallmark is capitalizing on something alive and powerful in the feminine psyche. The stats don’t lie:
Hallmark Channel is consistently the most watched cable-network in November and December each year
80 million people watch at least a portion of a Hallmark movie every year, and the core audience is women aged 25-54
Christmas movies account for roughly one-third of all of Hallmark’s annual profits, contributing about $350 million each winter
Now, because I’m not exactly the Hallmark movie expert around here, I asked AI to piece together for me the main plot lines that are followed each season. The top stories include:
the single, successful business woman who is surprised by love and chooses to settle down
A female and male lead who pretend to be in a relationship (for one reason or another) and then are slowly drawn towards an emotionally-intimate friendship and then romance
A man and woman who must work together on a project (to save Christmas, support a small town, etc) and soon fall for one another)
A situation where the female protagonist is pitted against a handsome male, but their animosity turns to affection by the second half of the movie
Second chances at a relationship from the past
I believe that the underlying patterns beneath the plot lines are the secret sauce that keep women coming back: connection over ambition, family and community over individualism, romantic safety over passion, and (perhaps most importantly?) an emotionally available and self-aware romantic lead over shallow and sexually-driven men. Contrast these Hallmark themes with the usual, droning messages of our culture and we get some clues about what will really make a woman happy. Let’s take a moment to look at each one:
Connection over Ambition
Every human has two core needs—to connect and to contribute. Unfortunately, under the shadow of the feminist movement, young women are regularly told that their deepest fulfillment will come from climbing a corporate ladder, and to not waste their twenties (or even their thirties) focusing on building a marriage or family. And so girls strive for high grades and high positions, even at the loss of deep relationships—including romantic ones.
Yet, neuroscience has recently shown that women in particular will be even more satisfied and motivated when they are experiencing oxytocin, the hormone released in their brain from relational connection. Looks like Hallmark has done its homework; viewers report feelings of happiness and calm, just by watching someone else experience the relational depth they are longing for.
Family over Individualism
For most of history, humanity has survived only by working as a unit. Sure, every generation has still had to wrestle through its selfish tendencies, but in general, everyone understood that they wouldn’t make it if they tried to make it on their own. Each individual could contribute their unique skills for the greater good. However the messaging targeting young women today is that they need to be strong and independent. Self-sufficient. Not relying on their parents or on any man.
Independence became synonymous with intelligence and capability. Needing others has come to signify stupidity or weakness. But every independent woman of the 21st century who emphasizes self-sufficiency, functionality and high capacity has also found herself guarded, exhausted and lonely. When the heroine of every festive film relaxes into a place of vulnerable interdependence, I suspect that the female viewers experience the guilty pleasure of wondering what it would be like to not need to take care of herself 24-7.
Romantic Safety over Passion
Something we say often—borrowed from our friend and mentor Pastor Jim Anderson—is that though women are sexual beings, they are not primarily sexual. They are primarily relational and secondarily sexual. When she experiences the safety, security, permanence and commitment of her trustworthy husband in a covenant relationship, she will more freely open up that sacred place of her sexual expression to him.
Modern feminism boasts that a girl can (and should) have emotionally-detached sexual experiences on a regular basis—that anything less is an indication of suppression by a patriarchal society that has idolized the virgin and shamed the “slut”. And so, since the 1970’s, women have been increasingly “liberated” from traditional values, yet are not any happier. In fact, rates of depression, loneliness, insecurity and anxiety have skyrocketed. You’d think that if a girl was designed to prioritize passion over romantic safety, she’d be skipping down the street after a one-night stand, rejoicing that he never called. Instead we hear reports of women who say something like, “I kind of wish I was a lesbian, so I could escape the aggressive sexual appetites of the men in my world.”
The gentle affection that is a trademark of Hallmark movies is a safe place for women, and a thread of hope that maybe there really are men in the world who won’t just want them for their body. No wonder they come back year after year.
Emotionally Available vs. Shallow Male:
This one isn’t rocket science. Men and women alike are designed to be known and loved at a deep level—to learn to share their own emotions vulnerably, and to make space for the thoughts and feelings of others. While modern feminism has tried to harden and sexually objectify women, the misogynist-movement and the “toxic-masculinity message” has tried to do the same to men. It has simultaneously isolated him and silenced him, convincing him that his value is found in power, wealth and sexual conquest.
But the truth is that he’s not happy either. Hallmark calls to men, reminding them how attractive his meekness (strength under control) really is. I won’t comment much more on this one, except to say that I believe that God is calling to a generation of men to challenge the status quo of what culture—and the women within culture—can expect of them.
This Christmas, whether you turn to the Hallmark channel or not, and whether the story lines make you groan or make you tear up a little, I hope you remember the heart of God for women and that what she longs for is an indication of her design.