Does God Want Women to Be Weak?
Acknowledging the tension between Proverbs 31 and 1 Peter 3 (and the tension within myself)
There are some days when I am a boss. My mind is sharp, my hopes are high. I can walk into a room full of strangers and confidently turn some into new friends.
Seven hours of sleep? That’s plenty!
I’m multi-tasking smoothly, jumping easily between a conversation with my kid, the new recipe I’m trying out for dinner, while folding some socks and jotting down notes for a podcast conversation the next day. Sigh…There are days like that, aren’t there?
But then there are other days…when it feels like a blender in my brain. I don’t want to talk to strangers on those days! I want to stay in my stretchy pants! My prayer on those mornings is, “Dear Lord, please help me know what to focus on!”
I have become well-acquainted with my weakness over the years. It’s strange to me now that a younger Bonnie used to get ruffled by this New Testament passage that directs husbands to act like gentlemen. “Live with your wives in an understanding way,” said wise ‘ol Peter, “as with a weaker vessel.”
A weaker vessel. Why did he have to say it like that? And why did it get tucked in as part of the inspired Word of God? Are women actually weaker? And if so, does God want women to be weak and passive? Turns out that 1 Peter 3 was referencing what science and logic easily confirm—the stature of the average female is indeed smaller than the average male by about 5 inches, and the muscle mass of the average female is about 36% less than that of the average male. Athletes can affirm the reality—girls can work just as hard as the boys, but they won’t get the same physical results.
1 Peter 3:7-8 says, “You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
The Scriptures make it clear—she may not be able to bench press the same weight that the bros can, but that doesn’t decrease her worth in the sight of God. A young woman once told me, “I wouldn’t mind being a girl so much if I knew I could trust all the men around me.” (In case you didn’t know, it is kinda intimidating to be a “weaker vessel” in the crowd.)
But Scripture reminds us, women who have put their faith in Christ are fellow heirs of the grace of God and are worthy of honour. Our Heavenly Father is watching over how His daughters are treated. If a husband will not honour her, then God will not honour his prayers. God calls His sons to use their superior strength to protect and uplift the women in their life. In a community of faith where men will govern their strength in meekness, the women can take a deep breath and know that they will be safe and respected.
So yes, the girls usually aren’t as strong as the guys in that physical sense. You better believe I’ve wondered about this over the years…does that mean God wants me to be weak? And stay weak? (And does that mean passive too?)
Would you believe that Proverbs 31, with its vivid description of what a godly woman is like, is a great permission slip granted to us as women to grow in both strength and influence? This famous passage repeatedly references the strength of this woman’s capable hands:
“She…works with her hands in delight.”
“From the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard.”
“She stretches out her hands to the distaff…”
“She extends her hands to the poor…”
She is involved in trade and commerce, in business, in philanthropy, in artistic endeavours, providing for her family and offering wise counsel to her community.
Verse 17 specifically adds, “She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.” This is not a woman who is passively waiting to see what life will give her—she is bold and strategic. The praises surround her, “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all…a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”
What then can we gather from these two passages that seem to offer conflicting messages? It’s like Proverbs was saying, “Recognize all her strength”, while Peter reminds us, “Remember her weakness.”
So on the days when I am checking all the boxes, making friends and influencing people—I can be strong in that grace. There is a God who welcomes my strong contribution. But on other days…when my body doesn’t cooperate with my grand vision and I don’t have the energy to carry the whole load, I’ve come to realize that there is a God who knows my frame. He is not ashamed of my weakness. More than that, He has offered to be my strength and my shelter.