Don’t Get Played By Porn Culture
The evidence is piling up. Whether they realize it or not, this generation is being influenced by porn culture and it is having dramatic affects on their relationships and their perception of self. Most folks within the church would still admit that porn-consumption is a “no-no”, recognizing the link between it and the prohibitions against lust found within Scripture. But, is the church equipped to recognize the deceptive messages that are being pumped into culture through porn? Because the lies are leaking out from under the cracks of the closed doors, like noxious fumes that soon fill the house.
If we are going to stand a chance against the toxic messaging of porn culture, we need to know the truth. Because while lies trap and control us, the truth will set us free, and keep us free.
So, what about you? Have you fallen for any of these five common lies in our pornographic culture?
Lie #1: Sex is bad and dirty. God is against it.
Fact: God designed sex.
Sex is not fundamentally bad and dirty, it is just profoundly powerful. Within the right context, outlined by our loving Heavenly Father, sexual expression becomes a blessing. The context that God repeatedly sets out for sex is between a man and woman who are in a place of deepest commitment—the covenant of marriage. In that place, the power and pleasure of sex are tethered to the safety and security of intimate relationship. And for the record, studies show that married couples consistently report the greatest levels of sexual satisfaction. That’s not a coincidence.
In Proverbs 5:17-19, there is an interesting blessing—where a young man is encouraged to enjoy his wife, to faithfully delight in her sexually!
“Your spring water is for you and you only,
not to be passed around among strangers.
Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—
don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.
Never take her love for granted!”
God is not anti-sex. He invented it.
Lie #2: If you get enough sex, you’ll be happy.
Fact: You are primarily relational, secondarily sexual.
Having sex is not the highest goal for humanity. Yes, it is designed by God for our pleasure within the context of marriage, but don’t fall for lie that more sex is the answer to all your problems. There are people who have put all their “eggs in one basket”—that of seeking out sexual experience, with wilder and wilder escapades and fetishes, hoping that eventually they will be satisfied. But the truth is that we are made for more than the physical. We are relational. And we are spiritual beings in need of connection with God Himself.
Augustine, an early church leader said it this way: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”
Porn’s promises of fulfillment are a mirage. There may be momentary thrill as dopamine floods the brain, but the fix always fades, leaving people emptier than before. There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to destruction. Surround yourself with healthy friends, immerse yourself into a strong community of faith, and you’ll discover that your deeper needs can be met in a way that an explicit website will never provide.
Lie #3: Sex isn’t that big of a deal. If it feels good, do it.
Fact: Sex is more than a physical act.
You may hear us talk about it a lot: we are integrated beings, made in the image of God, body soul and spirit. Three parts, but one person. Do not fall for the deception that the material realm does not affect the immaterial (or vice versa for that matter!). 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us:
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body,
but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
This is serious business. What happens to us sexually has a dramatic affect in our soul and spirit. And we intuitively know it. If I were to tell you that I had been beat up physically when I was a young teen, I’m sure you would have great sympathy for me. But if I were to tell you that there was a sexual assault, you would feel that at a much deeper level. Counsellors can attest to it: sexual experiences affect us differently. So don’t fall for the lie in porn culture—and watch for it in the shows you stream, the music you hear and the jokes on the job site. Are people pushing the lie that sex isn’t a big deal? Watch out that it doesn’t shape your worldview.
Lie #4: Men and women are the same sexually.
Fact: Men and women are uniquely designed.
Somehow it has become controversial to admit what biology and sociology have confirmed. Men and women are uniquely designed. Genesis 1 tells us that God made mankind “in His image”, and He made them “male and female”. Two genders, equal in value, but different in design. And part of that unique design involves our sexuality. Of course, there are exceptions (and there need not be shame if that is you), but on average, across cultures and nations, men have a higher drive towards sexual expression, and by the grace of God will govern himself in chastity within singleness or faithfulness within marriage. A woman is also a sexual being, capable of great joy in the bedroom. She is designed to thrive and find the most freedom there when she can rest securely in her husband’s faithfulness and tender love and acceptance of her, in her entirety. Not just for what she can do for him.
Hold that truth up against the lies of porn culture—you’ll soon realize that porn is trying to conform females into hyper-sexualized slaves who are always ready for anything, and have to pretend to like it—including abuse and disrespect. This is the not the heart of God for His daughters or sons. Sex shouldn’t dishonour anyone.
Lie #5: God shouldn’t get a say in our sexual ethic.
Fact: What we do with our sexuality is directly related to being a disciple.
Throughout church history, one of the clearest distinctives between followers of Jesus and the unbelievers has been their sexual ethic. If you read through the New Testament, you will discover that 25 out of the 27 books include instruction on matters of sexuality, gender and relationships. To be a disciple of Jesus means you surrender all—including, but not limited to your sexual desires.
If God designed sex, if He knows the best context for sex, and if we trust that He is good, we can trust that His commands are not to have us be ruined or restricted, but to have us live at rest. He has grace for each of us, regardless of where we are at in life.
Romans 12:2 says,
“Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”
If you have been affected by the messages of porn-culture, it’s time now to let the truths of Scripture to wash over your mind and begin transforming your thoughts, decisions, interactions and relationships. Your mind can be healed from the damage—but you’ll have to get real about it. Open up to someone you trust, take drastic measures to protect yourself from the toxic messaging, and plant yourself in the life-giving presence of God, inviting His help. He doesn’t want you to get played anymore. It’s time for a new way of thinking!
If you’re looking for more support in the area of overcoming the lies of porn-culture, check out these podcast episodes: