Can I be happy without sex?
It’s the question that people are asking. Every month we get an email from Google, letting us know what type of traffic is coming to our website. Guess what the #1 search sentence is that leads people to The Union site? “How can I be happy without sex?”
In a world that is becoming increasingly sexualized, with perverted images flooding our feeds, the music industry, and countless streaming services, studies show that people are backing away from one another and from IRL (in real life) relationships. Rates of premarital sex and the number of people choosing marriage are dropping.
Single people both inside and outside of the church are asking the question, “How can I be happy without sex?”
Jesus-following single people may be asking it because they are choosing celibacy and want to know that there is joy and fulfillment for them outside of sexual relations. Secular singles are asking it too because there is a growing number who are avoiding the risk of disappointment and the necessary sacrifice of committed relationships.
Unfortunately many married people find themselves asking the question as well. Maybe because a covenant partner has drifted away, but they are choosing to remain faithful. Maybe because they are in a difficult season where one or both of them is facing physical limitations that hinders sexual intimacy. In a world that broadcasts a message inferring that sex is the highest human experience, people naturally wonder, “Can I be happy without sex?”
The short answer is, “yes”.
Yes. A person can live a purposeful, hopeful, peaceful life even without sexual experience. Maybe the deeper question we need to ask is, “How?”
I think of the example that Jesus gave us, the Son of God who lived 33 years on earth as a single man. The letter of Hebrews reminds us that he faced all the same temptations that are common to us humans, yet he did not sin. More than that, He lived in deep connection with His heavenly Father, He lived a life with friendship and community, and poured Himself out, and fulfilled His purpose with great joy.
Jesus showed us how to live. He did not live a comfortable life. He did not live an easy life. But He lived a life of connection, purpose, and peace.
Titus 2:11-14 says:
“For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.”
What a powerful portion of Scripture, written from another influential single man (Apostle Paul) to the young leader Titus. I can hear his honest, encouraging tone, “Yes, there is a lot of pressure around you. But don’t forfeit your devotion to God. Remember what Jesus suffered through so that you could be made new, able to withstand that pressure and fulfill the good works that God has prepared for you.”
The path of sexual purity that we are called to walk is not an easy one. Whether you are single or married, God pours out grace on us so that we can walk in self-governance, not ruled by the lusts of the flesh.
Maybe it is time to follow up that first question, “Can I be happy without sex?”, with some other questions:
Am I growing in connection with God?
Am I intentionally investing in friendship and community?
Am I turning from godless living and sinful pleasure?
Am I committed to good deeds and living out my calling?
Contrary to the common cultural messages, there is more to life than sexual experience. And if you are willing to go after it, there is great joy waiting.
(If you are married and longing to find greater connection with your spouse, we commend you! There are many obstacles that get in the way. You can check out these two podcast conversations with Sabrina and Matt Schlesinger as a starting point.
Keys to a Better Sex Life Pt. 1
Keys to a Better Sex Life Pt. 2
You can also email us at info@theunionmovement.com and we’d be happy to give you more personalized resource recommendations!)