Am I Addicted to Porn?
(These 3 Questions Can Help You Know)
The other day, I had the incredible privilege of sitting down for a podcast interview with Nick Stumbo, Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries. We talked about the challenges pornography presents to churches and church leaders. It was an amazing conversation. Nick humbly shared his personal story of finding freedom from porn as a pastor. After the interview, he was kind enough to stick around and answer a few more questions—one of which I had been thinking about a lot:
”How does someone know if they’re addicted to porn?”
Nick’s answer was simple but impactful. He boiled it down to how someone answers three key questions.
Before we dive in, let me be clear: this isn’t about shame or slapping labels on people
I personally struggle with some of the language used in addiction psychology because I believe it can run counter to a gospel-centred identity. If you are in Christ, your primary identity is as a son or daughter of God. Everything else—your sin, struggles, and even your addiction—must come second. That’s not to minimize the weight of what you may be facing. Depending on how you answer the questions below, you may realize you’re in deeper than you thought. But hear me:
Your identity is not in your addiction—it’s in Christ. That truth is the foundation from which all deep healing begins.
And if you're someone who thinks, “It's not that big of a deal, I only look every now and then,”—you might want to buckle up. Addiction isn’t only about frequency. It’s about compulsion, secrecy, and ignoring the consequences of your behaviour. Let’s get after it.
Question #1. How long has this been going on?
Whether porn has been in your life for years or just recently, it’s always a problem. Always.
If it’s a newer habit, get to work on stopping while you still can. Porn will take you further than you ever thought you’d go and cost you more than you ever thought you’d pay. Studies show that its impact on the brain mirrors that of drugs like cocaine or heroin.
Maybe you relate to my story—exposed to porn at a young age, during my formative years. That early exposure creates deep ruts in your brain chemistry, making the pull toward porn especially strong during times of stress, loneliness, or frustration. It doesn’t mean you won’t have times of when it's not a temptation, but it does mean that when pressure hits, you're more likely to drift into these ruts.
Ask yourself honestly: Has porn been a consistent part of my life? If so, there may be a compulsive pattern forming—possibly even full-blown addiction.
Question # 2. Have you tried to stop? If so, how many times?
There are things I’ve experienced once and would never do again, no matter the offer—like participating in a summer camp eating competition (if you know, you know). But porn doesn’t work like that. It can offer momentary euphoria, quickly followed by shame and regret. You may walk in what feels like freedom for a while—weeks, even months—only to find yourself back where you swore you’d never go.
Proverbs 26:11 says, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.” That’s not to insult you. The word “fool” here means someone who simply lacks understanding. In this case, the fool is someone who hasn’t yet uncovered the root issues or has unresolved wounds fuelling the compulsion.
Repeated failed attempts to quit are a major red flag. The “white-knuckle” method of willpower often leads to a cycle of binging and remorse. The shame from relapsing can actually deepen the addiction, robbing you of any hope that change is possible.
(But there is a better way.)
Question #3. Is it causing you—or those you love—significant pain?
On this one, I’ll just jump in here quick and answer this for you. Yes. Porn use always causes pain. You just might not realize it yet. If your spouse has discovered your porn use and pleaded with you to stop—and you’re still secretly finding ways to get your fix—you’re not in control. You’ve disconnected from how your actions are hurting the people who love you most.
This is a defining mark of addiction: secrecy, isolation, and a lack of emotional vulnerability. You’re not in the driver’s seat anymore—your desires are.
If you’re single, ask yourself:
What kind of marriage do I want someday?
What kind of parent do I want to be?
What kind of leader is God calling me to become?
Porn is trying to shape your future. Its presence today can corrupt your ability to be faithful, emotionally present, and full of integrity tomorrow. You were made to live in freedom. Whether God calls you to marriage or singleness, healing is essential to carry your calling.
So, What Now?
This may have felt like a “gut check”—it was hard for me to write—it may be hard to read. But the goal here isn’t guilt. It’s clarity. Your answers to these three questions help you establish a baseline: Where are you now, and where do you need to go?
This isn’t the end of your story—it’s the beginning of your freedom. It will take work. It will take honesty. But it is absolutely worth it—for you, and for those God has placed around you.
Next Steps: What You Can Do Today
If even one of these questions raised a red flag, take action now:
1) Talk to a trusted, godly friend, pastor, or Christian counsellor.
2) Don’t just confess—begin the journey of healing.
3) Ask for help getting to the root of your struggle, not just managing the surface.
My friend, Sathiya Sam of DeepClean, puts it perfectly: “The one who is most vulnerable heals fastest.”
Confession isn’t the healing itself, but it is the doorway. Keeping secrets only delays healing. But when you step into the light, embrace vulnerability, and break down the lies that keep you stuck, you will experience the freedom Jesus paid for. You can be free.
“ You will know the truth and the truth will set you free”
- Jesus
If you are looking for further support in your journey to find freedom in this area, here are a few resources and ministries we recommend:
The Union Podcast Episodes about Pornography - Click on "Popular Topics” then choose "Freedom from Pornography”