Why Authentic Masculinity is Anything but Toxic
I don’t know if you noticed this or not but there has been an increasing use of the term “toxic masculinity”. It refers to the negative impact that the misuse of masculinity has brought to the world throughout history. Undeniably, women, children, and even other men, have gone through painful experiences because of actions of misdirected male strength. This concept of toxic masculinity has been getting a lot of traction especially with the increased volume of the extreme feminist voice saying such things as, “the future is female”.
But is the answer really just for men to abandon all masculinity? Do men need to sit down and be quiet for the world to get better?
Just recently, the Proctor & Gamble owned company, Gillette came out with a new marketing series addressing this very issue. If you haven’t already seen it check it out, but only if you promise to come back and read the rest of this blog. :). https://youtu.be/koPmuEyP3a0
I was absolutely shocked to see a company, like this, raise their voice on the matter but I was even more shocked by the amount of backlash it was getting. As I write this, the video has been seen just over 12 million times with about 300k likes and almost 700k dislikes. The comments section is erupting with angry responses suggesting that what is depicted in this video is trying to turn men into “soy-latte drinking little girls”. No judgement if you drink soy lattes…not my thing, but no judgement. Now, I’m not trying here trying to sell any razors, so maybe people can receive this message from me better than from Gillette.
As a father of five boys I am actually really concerned for the type of society my boys are growing up into. I am trying to teach my sons that real manhood is less about how far you can throw a football and more about the decisions you make to serve and protect the people around you. That being said though, right now all five of my boys are jumping on our trampoline, playfully wrestling each other at levels that would make WWE nervous. And I love it. Because real manhood is not the absence of strength, but rather, strength under control. This would be the kind of thing Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5 when He said, “the meek will inherit the earth”. Meekness is strength being harnessed. One thing that I am constantly saying to my boys is that their strength is always meant to protect. As much as they wrestle each other like crazy, they also know that we won’t tolerate any sort of picking on younger brothers or other kids.
Just yesterday, one of my boys was telling us about how not too long ago he was standing in line, waiting to go outside for a recess on one of his community class days, and another boy was pulling a little girl’s hair. My son, without missing a beat, tapped that boy on the shoulder, looked at him and calmly said, “That’s enough."
The other boy, like a deer caught in the headlights, let go of the girl’s hair and stepped back. Was that weakness in my son? Was it less manly for him to stand up for that girl? Was it wrong that he was willing to use his strength to protect her if necessary? No way!
For far too long music, movies and other media outlets have shown men to be domineering, sexually driven predators that believe that a women’s only value is her sexuality. This has set a standard within our culture that pressures women to get in line with. This has lead to countless situations where women have done things they didn’t want to do and become someone they never wanted to be, in order to be “loved” by a man, to get a promotion or to gain status.
When it really comes down to it, as men, we are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Turning a blind eye to manipulation and degradation of women is compliance to it. We have a big choice to make when it comes to the type of life we are going to lead. We can either be predators or protectors. It’s very important to know that you were designed by God to be the later. Anything else will lead to a death of soul. Men, you were made for more!
There was a season in my life when I was reading a lot of Navy S.E.A.L biographies and auto-biographies. If you think a S.E.A.L is something you see at an aquarium, it is actually the Special Forces division of the U.S Navy. I would read about how some of these men sacrificed their very life in order to save other members of their S.E.A.L team or the lives of innocent people. It inspired me so deeply that I wanted to join the military. I am Canadian, so being a S.E.A.L wasn’t an option. I didn’t care.
I just wanted my life to mean something and I wanted to be the type of guy that would do the things I was reading about. In that season I felt the Holy Spirit show me that I didn’t have to join the military to live like that. I sensed God say to me, “These men are doing for their country what many men won’t do for their wives, families and the vulnerable of their community.” It stopped me in my tracks. I would be more than willing to join the military if that was what God called me to, or if it was necessary for our country, but it became so clear that I could live like that within my own sphere of influence.
In Ephesians 5, the church leader Paul gives instruction to the responsibilities that men and women have towards each other within marriage. He tells the men that they need to, “Love your wife like Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.”
You may not be married, but I believe that this speaks to the very design of God within every man. I believe men are made to do what is right instead of what is easy. They are made to be willing to deny themselves for the sake of others.
The unfortunate thing is if this design is not fed or cultivated, it fades and what is left is a self-preserving, pleasure seeking, “all about me” type of manhood. We’ve all seen and experienced that, haven’t we? But the good news is that there is always hope for a new way of living. The transformation in my own life in this matter is evidence of what is possible.
It is only when we call men to the responsibility of REAL manhood that we will begin to see a positive change in the general atmosphere of our culture. We have to settle in our minds that male strength does not have to be a weakness, and that male weakness is never a strength.